Bring life to the world

I want my life to be resolved but only i can choose

I am alone, with this big belly, I am hungry and can’t decide

Everyone tells me what to do and judges me by what I did

Nobody understands what I’m going through

Everything started the night I turned sixteen

The day I wanted to show my love to the boy that now admits that I don’t exist

Now I know that everything ended as a mistake

One month later I had nausea, and cravings for everything I saw

Nothing was clear until I understood they were symptoms

From the moment the doctor said “Congratulations” … I knew I was pregnant

I told my parents, they were astonished and disappointed

They think God will punish me for what I did

They haven’t talked to me since

My friends supported me until their parents disapproved

I have no one to talk to, only this tummy

rI tried to undo my mistake but it was too late, what I did could’t be undone

It wasn’t difficult to dismiss a life until you saw it with your own eyes

The little image in the ultrasound, the sound of a beating heart

“It’s a girl” the doctor says and a tear runs down my face

No one will understand the joy I had, how proud I felt

Yes, I was bringing life to the world

Today I stand alone… keep the baby or don’t

Am I even capable of being in charge of her?

Would she have a better life with me or someone else?

Who can she be if she stays with me?

The only thing I can give is my love, love no one else can equal

Is love enough to nurture a child?

With no support and no one to count on

Today I stand, today i choose

With the girl on my arms and the beauty of her smile I know my decision was wise

I don’t regret anything because it has led me to the life I have

I love my baby girl and nothing will keep us apart

She changed my life.

C·C·C·R

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Love Letters

To my first love

There are no better words than to say i will always love you. Lately i can’t help but to think of you and what we lived together, it was great, it was terrible, it was the everything in one. All we have now are memories, memories i wouldn’t change for anything. i know everything happens for a reason, but just know you will be forever in my heart. I hope the very best for you and your family

You were my first everything 

To my second love

I just hope one day you can understand that even though we lost our friendship on the way, i will always care for you. I know you are capable of great things and one day you will find the girl who will make you open your heart without fear. I`m glad i was able to see you one last time, i will never forget us.

You were my first adventure

I’m glad to have met you both

With love

C·C·C·R

My valentine

Last year my love life ended in a mess, yes i had a lot to do with all the drama that went down but hey we are only humans and i’m still learning, nonetheless i find myself being more romantic than i have been in the last 2 years. I kinda stopped believing in love or in happy endings so i didn’t want to get married or have any kids, but in reality i was lying to myself. I was really hurt for what happened in my family and with my ex so i didn’t want to go through anything like that ever again so i just hid. I put my walls so up even though i liked a guy i didn’t really let myself fall in love with him because of fear and being me is pretending to be the strongest person ever. Now i understand i was lying to myself because really, how many people who don’t want to have kids save their toys so they can give them away to whom? their invisible non existent children? I know admit i am weak, i have fears but i can’t be so closed about my future. I’m not afraid to madly fall in love anymore if the right person arrives. In the meantime i am concentrating on myself, what i need, what i want and most of all what i’m craving. I am my valentine this year and it is perfect as it is.

Pocketful of sunshine ☀

The song of my favorite movie “Easy A”, the song that always helps me have a better mood.
Here are the lyrics:

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
i got a love and i know that it’s all mine.

Do what you want but you’re never going to break me sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.

Take me away. (Take me away.)
A secret place. (A secret place.)
A sweet escape. (A sweet escape.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
To better days. (To better days.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
A hiding place. (A hiding place.)

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
i got a love and i know that it’s all mine.

Do what you want but your never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love and I know that its all mine.
Wish that you could but your ain’t gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me
(You can’t control me) (You can’t control me)

Take me away. (Take me away.)
A secret place. (A secret place.)
A sweet escape. (A sweet escape.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
To better days. (To better days.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
A hiding place. (A hiding place.)

Theres this place that i go that
nobody knows where the rivers
flow and i call it home and theres
no more lies and the darkness is
light and nobody cries theres only butterflies.

Take me away. (Take me away.)
A secret place. (A secret place.)
A sweet escape. (A sweet escape.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
To better days. (To better days.)
Take me away. (Take me away.)
A hiding place. (A hiding place.)

“New Era”

I like to believe this year will be completely different from last year. Why? well last year my world was turned upside down, shaken up, torn into pieces; but this time after all the changes, i believe it can all be better. 2 days ago i turned 20 & i’m almost half way to finish my career and i’ve realized that after everything i’ve lived through i haven’t let myself be broken and i’m proud of myself and i am more sure than ever that i can accomplish anything. I have my priorities in check, i have my goals in life however i want to live day by day, cherishing every moment and every person in my life that comes and to let them go when they have to. We can not change what happened yesterday we may not know what will happen tomorrow but we can control what we do now. For me this is a new era, a new way to live, a new way to see life, to let myself go and to not be afraid anymore. (: ♥

Out with the old and in with the new…

As you’ve realized by now i’ve deleted all of my previous posts, why is that? Well after all the changed i’ve had for the last year i need to start fresh, i need to start again. There is no way i can erase my past, i would do so if i could but i can forget it, and i can forgive the people that have hurt me. I will never forget the lessons my life has brought me but i refuse to keep being the road i’ve been. I need to begin again, with everything, starting with myself. The people in my old life will never be back i need to leave them behind with all the memories and feelings they bring every time i think of them. 

My decision is made, and in a long time i find myself having hope, for the new beginning. 

Until next time x.