To Her

I am glad he has found you, he is happy with you, but I have to get something straight with you. This is not a competition, it has never been a competition. He will always love me, it is only natural he does. I understand why you might feel insecure but know that I am not a threat, I’ve tried being a friend to you time and time again, sincerely it has always been for his sake, but you keep being selfish and race for his attention as if this was a competition.

You want him? You already have him, and no matter what you do, what I do or even what he does I am always going to be a part of his life.

I can not change the way you are, or the way you have been since you arrived, but you have to stop trying to be like me. The car, the keys, the hairdryer, the products, the expressions, no you are not me and you will never be and that is ok. He fell in love with you just as you were and being similar to me will not make him like you more. Accept yourself for who you are.

Don’t try to meddle with our relationship, i am not going to intervene in yours. Just be happy and let me be happy too.

C·C·C·R

Advertisements

Him

It’s been three years since I found out you liked me too. Since the first time I met you, you cared for me even when three hours later I was a little drunk, you made sure I ate something. I’ve liked you since that day. Since that day I remember you everytime the radio plays one of his songs, and even when a boy has sung me the same song I will always think of you.

Maybe it is the fact that we are prohibited that makes me want you more, but everytime I read our conversations it makes me happy. Sometimes I feel that if we really try to be something more it will get ruined, so I’m scared to say something more. Maybe someday when we are less broken we can give it a try, for now I just want to thank you for being there for me. ❤

C.C.C.R

Challenge

It has now been more than a year since the last time I wrote, and everything has changed. I have changed, the way I see and feel has changed. I am now ready to love, love my life, love my family and love every one that comes and goes from my life. I have so much to learn from them I just have to be open enough to receive it. I am challenging myself to do more of what I like, to follow my dreams and my passion. I don’t regret anything that has happened since the year started because I am following one rule: Try it, you already have the NO, go for the YES in life.

My most and greatest challenge now is to be a good role model for him. To be there for him everytime he needs me. I will be the rock that supports him everytime he needs one. I had one growing up, actually I had three and they will be there for him too.

I now know everything happens for a reason, it happens at the right time with the right people so we can learn to grow. Growing and changing is a part of life, we just have to embrace it.

Breaking Point

The fact that he’s marrying someone else is not what’s been eating me up for the past six months; Is the fact of how he has changed because of her. Honestly I am scared of being forgotten, he is supposed to be the man that supports me no matter what, but somehow he keeps drifting apart. I am now the third wheel in my own house, the only time i am needed is when he needs planning a gift for her. I’ve been working on this gift for two weeks now and my migraine hasn’t gone away for that same time. Even when I tell him how he has changed and how this affects me, it doesn’t really matter. It is time for me to leave this house that hasn’t felt like home for more than a year.

There is only one person i want to talk about this, I know he would understand me but we stopped talking last year. I was never able to tell him i loved him too.

Love has never been my strong with others, but my love tells me its time to get out… before i reach my breaking point.

C·C·C·R

To You

I miss you more than I’ve missed anybody in my life, we are both so similar yet so different. I shouldn’t love you after everything that has happened but I do, I never told you because I’m too scared of love, of getting hurt, of being betrayed and ending up in a little ball crying over you. I was wrong because even if i didn’t tell you i felt it and it ended up being the same thing. Communication was never our strong suit because we both swallow what we feel but you did try and i was too afraid to try with you, of repeating my parents history.

I like to remember that last night we spend together, how you held me while you were asleep and didn’t let me go; even now i don’t think anyone has held me as tight as you did. I remember getting home just in time to see the sunrise and how perfect it made the whole night.

I know there is no turning back, we have both said harmful things and maybe, it is for the best for each of us to go our way. I wish you all the best, I know you are capable of greatness and i’m sure you’re going to achieve it.

C·C·C·R

P.S. Happy Birthday

Bring life to the world

I want my life to be resolved but only i can choose

I am alone, with this big belly, I am hungry and can’t decide

Everyone tells me what to do and judges me by what I did

Nobody understands what I’m going through

Everything started the night I turned sixteen

The day I wanted to show my love to the boy that now admits that I don’t exist

Now I know that everything ended as a mistake

One month later I had nausea, and cravings for everything I saw

Nothing was clear until I understood they were symptoms

From the moment the doctor said “Congratulations” … I knew I was pregnant

I told my parents, they were astonished and disappointed

They think God will punish me for what I did

They haven’t talked to me since

My friends supported me until their parents disapproved

I have no one to talk to, only this tummy

rI tried to undo my mistake but it was too late, what I did could’t be undone

It wasn’t difficult to dismiss a life until you saw it with your own eyes

The little image in the ultrasound, the sound of a beating heart

“It’s a girl” the doctor says and a tear runs down my face

No one will understand the joy I had, how proud I felt

Yes, I was bringing life to the world

Today I stand alone… keep the baby or don’t

Am I even capable of being in charge of her?

Would she have a better life with me or someone else?

Who can she be if she stays with me?

The only thing I can give is my love, love no one else can equal

Is love enough to nurture a child?

With no support and no one to count on

Today I stand, today i choose

With the girl on my arms and the beauty of her smile I know my decision was wise

I don’t regret anything because it has led me to the life I have

I love my baby girl and nothing will keep us apart

She changed my life.

C·C·C·R

Love Letters

To my first love

There are no better words than to say i will always love you. Lately i can’t help but to think of you and what we lived together, it was great, it was terrible, it was the everything in one. All we have now are memories, memories i wouldn’t change for anything. i know everything happens for a reason, but just know you will be forever in my heart. I hope the very best for you and your family

You were my first everything 

To my second love

I just hope one day you can understand that even though we lost our friendship on the way, i will always care for you. I know you are capable of great things and one day you will find the girl who will make you open your heart without fear. I`m glad i was able to see you one last time, i will never forget us.

You were my first adventure

I’m glad to have met you both

With love

C·C·C·R